Postcards from the Heart
by Jackie Mag
Summary: This is an AU or 'what if' assuming that when Justin leaves with Ethan he tours happily with him for 2 yrs.  Brian will have to pick up the pieces.  Will Brian and Justin reconnect?  How will their lives be different now?  All major series characters.
1. Ch 1 Postcards from Europe

Justin was living with Ethan and they were very happy. After Ethan did well in the Heifetz competition, he was offered a deal to tour Europe. He decided to go and asked Justin to go with him. To avoid any gay rumors they explained that Justin was Ethan's cousin. They toured Europe together for over a year. Justin enjoyed painting scenes all over Europe and also got into photography. Justin attended some seminars and did short study periods with art schools there.

When Justin first took off with Ethan, Michael was upset with him. Michael could see how Brian was hurting and hated to see his friend in pain. Brian told 'Mikey' that Justin had made a choice and that none of them should be mad at the kid for making his own decisions to be happy. Michael softened and slowly changed his mind about his friends' breakup.

One way that Justin would keep in contact with 'the gang' back home was with postcards. He had a list of people to mail to and postcards were a cheap way of keeping in touch. Being an artist, he appreciated pen to paper notes over e-mails, although he'd send them, too. He would select postcards with great landscapes and scenes from all over Europe. The notes would be simple and heartfelt. Brian was on his list of recipients.

Brian would get the upbeat notes from Justin and read them over and over again. _Good, he's better off without me._ He certainly missed Justin (and hoped kid missed him, too), but they'd moved on with their lives. Brian always thought that Ethan would do something asinine that would piss off Justin, but, he had to hand it to the fiddler, he seemed to be making a go of it.

Emmett, Ted, Michael and Brian would still hang out at Babylon and Woody's. One night they spotted a tall, handsome fellow on the dance floor. Brian approached him and they shared a sexy dance. All eyes were on them as they gyrated together. They shared a backroom encounter and then Brian brought him back to the loft. The guy, Logan, was a successful lawyer who had just moved to Pittsburgh from Chicago. He was an inch taller and a year older than Brian, with wavy reddish-brown hair. He was very fit and went to the gym several times a week.

A few nights later, Brian and Logan hooked up again. The sex was hot and there was chemistry between them. For the second time in his life, Brian broke his 'no repeats' rule and saw Logan more than once. Their seeing each other was mostly about the sex. They'd meet up at a bar and then go to either the loft or Logan's apartment and fuck well into the night.

Brian had always had the policy of kicking a guy out after sex. Justin was the only guy for whom Brian that broke that rule. After seeing Logan for a while, though, Brian asked him to stay the night. If anything, it would allow for a morning fuck that they might both enjoy. Logan declined and, further, would not let Brian stay the night at _his_ place. Logan was out Brian-ing Brian on that front.

Other less than desirable things about Logan became evident to Brian. Logan gambled and did a lot of off-track betting. And, as much as Brian enjoyed an occasional hit of E or poppers, Logan seemed to take _his_ drug use to a further extreme. He insisted that the drugs gave him an edge in his law practice, although Brian didn't see how being so stoned could be any advantage in court.

After a few months 'together' Brian and Logan agreed to meet for dinner to celebrate Brian being made partner in the ad firm. Brian showed up on time and even got a table for two, but Logan never showed. Brian dined alone. Finally, Logan answered Brian's cell phone call. Logan was obviously high or drunk or both and wasn't even apologetic about breaking their date.

Michael and the guys would ask Brian where Logan was and it was increasingly obvious that Logan was treating Brian like crap. Brian didn't consider himself worthy of consideration, so he would just take it. He would play it off saying "I didn't need to see him tonight, anyway." But the guys could tell that he was disappointed.

The fast-paced lifestyle soon caught up with Logan. Showing up at work high or late or both eventually got him fired. It didn't take him long to ask Brian for some money. They wrote up an agreement for paying back, not unlike Justin's school loan. Logan never paid a dime of it back.

One weekend Brian went away for a business trip and when he returned a number of the more valuable things from the loft were missing. It was like someone just strategically ripped off the most expensive things. Brian didn't suspect a general robbery, but he DID suspect Logan. They'd been at the loft together enough times that Logan could have memorized the key code for the alarm.

Brian confronted Logan at his apartment. At first the ex-lawyer denied any knowledge of the robbery, but then Brian spotted his expensive DVD player on the floor of a closet in the apartment. Logan finally admitted that he needed to 'borrow' the things for some extra money. There was a huge fight and they came to blows. Brian landed a punch to Logan's jaw that flattened the guy. He called the cops and filled out a report against Logan. They were over.

Logan fought the charges, but was convicted and ordered to spend some time in jail and to pay Brian back for the sold items. When Logan got out of jail he flew to Las Vegas. Pittsburgh didn't work out for him, he decided, and he needed a new start. Brian was glad that Logan was out of their lives.

**Brian's POV**

_Logan is a fucking piece of shit. I'm glad he's moving away. I don't want to run into him anywhere around Pittsburgh. Sure, we had fun at the start, but things went bad quickly enough. One of the worst things was how inconsiderate he was. He'd blow off dinner for no reason. He'd have me clear a night to be with him and then he'd get wasted with his other friends and never show up to see me. _

_Justin, as young as he is, understands consideration of others. He's the kind of person you can rely on. He was always there – being a companion when you needed one. Like when I was fighting with Mikey; I asked Justin to come over and he and I sat in the recliner, naked of course, and ate ice cream. Sometimes I think that Justin was the best thing that ever happened to me. But, the kid made his own choices. He found someone his own age that must be treating him well. _

_I don't think I deserve someone like Justin. Maybe I'm a piece of shit, too._

**End POV**

Meanwhile, life went on for the folks of Liberty Avenue. Brian took on the ad campaign for the police chief, Dan Stockwell, who was running for mayor. A lot of his friends were upset with him - promoting a man with such anti-gay policies, but Brian saw that the money was green and was hoping that getting a win for Stockwell would lead to other successes in the ad business.

Stockwell pushed raids on local porn operations and Ted was caught up in a raid where it turned out, unbeknownst to Ted, his assistant was underage. Ted was arrested. Emmett made a plea to Brian to do what he could to talk to Stockwell and get Ted free from the charges. Brian pretended not to care, but he didn't want to see Ted locked away for something so stupid as having an underage worker. He convinced Stockwell that pushing Ted's case was 'yesterday's news' and not good for the campaign. The charges were dropped.

It soon became more and more evident to Brian, however, that Stockwell was trying to shut down everything Brian held dear in the gay neighborhood; the bars, the dance clubs, the bath houses. Another issue that bothered Brian was Stockwell's possible involvement with the murder of a young man that the local headlines nicknamed "Dumpster Boy". Debbie found out that the young man's name was Jason Kemp and she did what she could to find his killer. A number of people got involved, including Michael's teenage foster son Hunter, and Brian put the pieces together. They had proof that a former cop was the killer and Stockwell had hidden the fact. Carl Horvath and the police force couldn't tie the information together enough to arrest the former cop.

Brian quietly put together a commercial spot that was anti-Stockwell with the facts of Kemp's death and Stockwell's association with the killer. Stockwell's opponent, Councilman Dinkins, _agreed_ to run the spot. It ran and the gay voters came out in support of Dinkins, defeating Stockwell. The ad had the 'earmarks' of Brian Kinney on it, although the name on the ad was _Concerned Citizens for the Truth_. Brian's boss called him on it and he admitted to assembling the ad. He got fired.

After a few weeks of unemployment, Brian started to consider opening his own ad agency. He got a call from Cynthia and she convinced him that he should do it. She told him she could help him land his first big account, Remsen Pharmaceuticals. Michael told Justin via e-mail that Brian was considering starting his own agency. Brian got an e-mail right away from Justin. It simply said, "Call your company Kinnetik. – J". Brian laughed and then considered the name. It fit. He told Cynthia that they would go ahead and start Kinnetik. Later, he got a postcard from Justin with a logo design for Kinnetik sketched on it. The new company landed the Remsen account.

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After Ethan's European tour ended, he got an offer from the Boston Philharmonic. He and Justin got an apartment on the outskirts of Boston. Sometimes Ethan would go on city jaunts by himself to perform around the East coast. One such trip was to New York. After he returned, a fan from New York showed up at Ethan and Justin's apartment. The guy was holding a dozen red roses and, from their conversation, Justin surmised that Ethan had had an affair with the fan. He wondered just how many other 'fans' Ethan had for all the time he was performing. He hadn't noticed anything unusual, but he certainly didn't want to spend time thinking like that, he just wanted the hurt and betrayal to stop. Justin broke up with Ethan. The promise of fidelity and eternal love was over.

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Just as Justin was packing to leave Boston, he got a phone call from Lindsay.

"Hey, Lindsay."

"Justin, honey. How are you?"

"Not a good day to ask me."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Long story short – Ethan and I broke up and I'm coming home to Pittsburgh."

"What happened?"

"Let's just say the promises he made were empty promises."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." She paused. "I'll be glad to have you back home, though."

"Thanks. It'll be good to be home. I don't think I want to live with mom, though. I want to enjoy some independence. Maybe I'll get my own place."

"Stay with Mel and me, at least for starters. We have that upstairs bedroom. You'll be welcome here."

"That'd be great Lindsay. I wouldn't be any trouble, I promise."

"I'll ask Mel, but I'm sure it'd be fine with her."

"Great!" He thought a second. "Why did you call?"

"I must have detected that my young friend needed a friend. That and, I was wondering if you could talk to Brian."

"Me? Talk to him? Why?"

She filled Justin on the whole Brian/Logan relationship, including the theft. "Brian has been really depressed and I'm worried about him. Maybe if you're going to be back in town you could meet with him and cheer him up."

"I wouldn't mind seeing him again. He'll always have a special place in my heart."

"Would you consider dating him again? Or whatever the heck you called it – the non-relationship relationship?"

"Yeah. I mean, yeah I would. But, who can predict what he'll want." He chuckled at that. "I've decided that, since I'm single again, I'm going to have some fun and play the field a little. If Brian wants to be one of the guys I'm with, then great."

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Emmett, Michael, Ted, and Brian were at Babylon one night. Brian had already been in the back room once with a trick.

The music changed. The strains of "Let's Hear It for the Boy" started. The sweaty bodies of Babylon continued to pump their bodies to the beat. Slowly, the crowd parted a little and a familiar face smiled at the men at the bar as he walked forward.

Emmett noticed him first, then Michael. They smiled. Brian looked at their faces and then turned to see what or who they were looking at.

As Brian saw him, he sighed the name in one slow breath. "Justin."


	2. Ch 2  Reconnection

As Brian saw him, he sighed the name in one slow breath. "Justin."

Emmett had his arms open for his old friend. "Justin, baby. You look fabulous. What brings you here?"

"Hi, Emmett," Justin kissed him on the cheek. "I'm finally back home and thought I'd come back _home_." He ended that last comment with a smirk that told Emmett exactly what he meant. Babylon… the one place, as gay men, they were always welcome, and no matter what life threw at you, it was always home … no matter what city you were from.

Michael was next with a hug for Justin. "Good to see you, buddy."

Justin smiled. "Good to be here."

Ted shared a hug with Justin, too. "Thanks for the postcards from Europe."

The blond said, "Yeah, it was all pretty amazing." He turned to look at Brian.

**Brian's POV**

_What the fuck is he doing here? I thought he was out of our lives. He took off with the fiddler and I didn't think we'd ever see him again. Yeah, he sent postcards, but I figured that was the polite country club teenager … like he was sending his regards to Auntie Em and Uncle Ted. Why did he have to come back now … or at all?_

**End POV**

Brian knocked back a swig of beer. "Justin, what the fuck are you doing here?"

**Justin's POV**

_I damn well knew it. He'd put up the walls again and be his usual rude self with me. I know it's been a couple of years, but he's still the same. Maybe even worse now if what Lindsay told me is true about him and this Logan guy. _

_Damn, he looks good, though. Still the same amazing hazel eyes, toned arms, lanky legs. He's so fucking hot. Deep breathe… don't let him see you affected. _

_OK. So, what's your approach, Taylor? How do you treat this guy now? He's not commanding a lot of respect and, if I'm reading him correctly, not expecting much either. I'll treat him as coolly as he's treating me._

**End POV**

Justin smirked. "Basking in the glow of your warmth, Brian. Nice to see you, too."

Ted snickered. Emmett and Michael gave Brian a nasty look.

Michael said, "What the hell, Brian! Aren't you glad to see him?"

Brian sighed. "Sure. It's great that you're here _if you buy me a drink_."

Justin glanced at Brian, and then waved the bartender over. "Two Jim Beam shots, (pointing to Emmett) a Cosmo, (to Michael) a beer and (Ted) a bottled water." (He'd heard that Ted had fought substance abuse and gave up alcohol). He put money on the bar. The bartender poured the shots and passed out the other drinks. Justin slid one of the shots over in front of Brian. They each picked up their drinks. Justin said, "Salut!" They all clinked glasses and drank. As the shot glasses were returned to the bar, Brian grabbed the blond's arm and pulled him to the dance floor. They began to dance to the remains of "Let's Hear It for the Boy".

Brian and Justin fit together like two puzzle pieces as the brunet pulled the blond as close as he could. They slithered and gyrated as if no time had passed. Soon, the Babylon regulars began to notice the two and some recognized the familiar pairing on the dance floor. They were hot. Justin's arms instinctively went around Brian's neck.

As things heated up, Brian couldn't resist the blond any longer. He leaned over and spoke into his ear. "Back room. Now." He pulled the front of Justin's shirt and took him to 'their' corner of the back room.

As Justin turned to face Brian he looked him in the eyes. Brian didn't speak, but put his lips on Justin's in a kiss that began tenderly, and then turned passionate. As they broke the kiss, they were both a bit breathless.

Brian spoke first, "Seriously, what are you doing here?"

"I broke up with Ethan. We ran our course, it was great, but it's over. Really over. He's still in Boston. I'm going to finish my art degree at PIFA. I'm back home again."

"And what the fuck am I'm supposed to do about that?"

"Whatever you want, Brian." Justin pulled him close enough to kiss him again. Their lips brushed together as he said, "I missed you. God, it's so fucking hot dancing with you tonight."

"We're fucking hot together."

Those were the last words spoken as kissing started anew. Tongues danced and soft moans were heard from both men. Justin spun them around so that Brian's back was to the wall. He unfastened Brian's pants and reached for the stiff cock inside. Justin went to his knees and began an impassioned blow job. He licked the cock from base to tip, swirled his tongue around the head and took it all into his mouth. His soft lips stroked the shaft as his cheeks sucked in to give the maximum pleasure. Brian put his hand on Justin's head and ran his fingers through the soft blond hair that he'd missed touching. Within a couple of minutes Brian was at the brink. Justin continued in a vigorous fashion until Brian exploded down his throat with a loud moan escaping his lips.

Justin tucked away the softening cock and zipped up Brian's pants. He stood in front of him and waited for his eyes to open. As Brian's hazel eyes focused on Justin's blues he pulled him in for another kiss, tasting himself in the blond's sweet mouth.

As the kiss ended, Brian said, "Come back to the loft with me."

"Sure."

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As they took the short drive to the loft, Justin filled Brian in a little on his life since he'd moved away. "Did you get my postcards?"

"Um, yeah. I got them. You enjoyed traveling?"

"It was great, especially the opportunity to see so many great countries and study overseas. Incredible."

There was a short silence, and then Brian asked. "So, how did Ethan fuck up?"

"Now, why do you assume that …?"

Brian just gave him a knowing '_I know the deal – don't lie to me'_ look.

Justin sighed and closed his eyes. "He was screwing some fan from New York that followed him back to Boston. Not exactly the promise of fidelity I was looking for and, frankly, expecting from him."

They got out of the car, walked into the building, and the elevator.

"I knew his empty words would lure you in. Giving you a ring …" He shook his head. "I'm not promising anything. This is just a …"

"Just a fuck. I know. That's OK. Right now that's all I'm looking for."

As they entered the loft their lips were attached to each other. Shirts were being removed and shoes shucked aside.

Justin paused a second. "What about you? What about this Logan guy?"

Brian was focused on the target at hand, not history lessons. "I don't want to talk about it."

They fell into the bed and fucked for an hour. The familiarity of being together was there again. The feel, the smells, the tastes were a comfort to both as they fell back into each other's arms. After another session in the shower, they reclined on the bed.

Justin leaned up on one elbow. "Seriously, Brian. Tell me about Logan."

"Asshole. Stole my shit. I brought charges against him and the court is making him pay me back. He moved to Vegas. Good riddance."

"How long were you together?"

"We were never 'together'. I fucked him for a few months with some regularity. He was a great lay. That's all."

Justin began kissing Brian's chest, nipples, and stomach. "You deserve better, that's for sure."

"Maybe."

"Definitely." He licked Brian's cock. "God, I missed you."

"Are you talking to me or my…? Aaaahhh."

Justin began another blow job. Then he turned the brunet over face down and gave him a rim job. To Justin's surprise Brian handed him a condom, implying that he wanted the blond to top him. Justin began with kisses on his lanky friend's long legs, up to his butt and then licked along his back. He gently lubed Brian's opening, taking care to stimulate and massage as he worked. As Justin penetrated with his cock, Brian gasped slightly and then moaned in appreciation. They kissed as Justin's hands stroked and caressed his lover's body. This was love making, not just fucking.

**Brian's POV**

_Damn, he feels good. I don't know why I wanted him to top me, but I did. Maybe all of those times with Logan trying to control me, almost fighting with me, made me appreciate what I knew I could have again with Justin. He's always so gentle and good at this, not that we did it a lot. Just enough force to make it pleasurable, but not commanding and controlling. Fuck, yeah._

**Justin's POV**

_Damn, he feels good. I've only topped him a handful of times and it's always great. Ethan and I would trade off, but Brian would rarely let me in. I don't know why he did today, but I'm not going to question it. His body feels so good next to mine and it feels so good to be inside him. Fuck, yeah._

**End POV**

When they finished, Justin pulled out and disposed of the condom. Brian crawled under the covers and invited Justin to do the same. The lovers curled their bodies together and slept in an embrace. Brian got a more restful sleep that night than he'd had in years.

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The next morning Justin awoke to find Brian staring at him. Justin rolled over to place his head on his lover's shoulder. "G'morning."

"Morning, Sunshine."

Justin snickered.

Brian asked, "What?"

"Nobody's called me Sunshine in … years."

"You got a problem with that?"

Justin's blue eyes locked on to the hazel eyes of his lover. "I love it when you call me that."

They kissed and began a morning love making session which concluded in the shower.

As they dressed, Justin said. "I'm going to head over to the Diner. I haven't seen Debbie in a long time. Come with me?"

"I thought I just did."

The blond smiled. "Would you like to have breakfast with me?"

"Other than the high protein breakfast I just had?"

"Brian, get serious."

He smiled. "Sure. I can go to the Diner with you. I'll drive and you can pick up your car."

They went to the Diner and Deb made a fuss over Justin. When Brian got up to go to the bathroom, she sat with Justin to talk privately.

"He's been through hell and we're all worried about him. Can you help him? I don't know what the fuck his problem is, but he's withdrawn and in a shitty mood all of the time."

"I think he's been hit with this Logan crap and, maybe because of his family history, his abusive father and bitch mother, he thinks he deserves it. I'll try to convince him otherwise."

They could see Brian approaching. Deb got one last comment in. "Let me know what you need."

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For the next few weeks Brian and Justin would see each other once or twice a week. Justin and his mom pooled their money and bought him a small used car. He went back to PIFA and was busy with school. He also worked at the Diner to pay bills. Sometimes Justin would go to Babylon and pick up a trick and take him into the back room. A couple of times Brian and Justin would agree on a guy and take him back to the loft.

**Justin's POV**

_As much as I care about Brian and would like to consider us together, I'm also enjoying being single again. Two years with Ethan was a long time. He might have fucked around, but I didn't. So, in my 22 years I've had two guys that I could call boyfriends. There were other guys I scored with when Brian and I were together, some we shared. Those guys are the only extracurricular activities I've had in my whole life. It's time for me to live the lifestyle, get around and have some fun. Brian's not going to change and I don't want him to. Why should I try for monogamy with him now? I don't want it, either._

**Brian's POV**

_After Justin left me for the fiddler and then Logan stole from me, I've had it with so called dating. I don't believe in love, I believe in fucking – still holds true. It is good having Justin around again, though. Before he left, he followed me around and all he seemed to want was me as his boyfriend. Fuck, I hate that word. Now, he's more his own man and is happy pursuing any piece of ass he can find. Good for him. He's young and should be out there. He's still great in bed and I'm glad for the opportunity to enjoy that fact every few days._

**End POV**

Justin was concerned about Brian. If Justin would say something about being careful and 'not killing himself' on the way home, Brian would say something like, "Yeah. What difference would it make, anyway?" Justin started to think that Brian was borderline suicidal. It was like he didn't care about his own life. If something bad or unfortunate would happen to Brian he'd make a comment about 'probably deserving' it.

Although the guys both pursued their free love life style, they did manage to, well, date. Brian would never call it that and Justin would never let on that it might be that. They went bowling once or twice. They saw a movie or two.

One evening they scheduled to meet for dinner at a restaurant that they heard had hot waiters. The last time that Brian had made a date with a guy for dinner it was with Logan and he got stood up. He was quite relieved to see Justin walk in the door.

"Hey, Sunshine."

"Hey, Brian!"

Justin was surprised when Brian took him in his arms and held him for a hug. He held him a second or two longer than the blond would have ever expected.

"OK? Are you hungry?" Justin asked.

"Yeah. Um, yeah. Let's go." Brian spoke to the female maitre d' about a table for two. As the woman reached for the menus, he leaned over and whispered into Justin's ear, "Let's see just how hot the waiters are."

"I call first dibs."

"Oh, no you don't."

Justin snickered.

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Justin makes a discovery that will point to medical problems for Brian.


	3. Ch 3 Postcards from the Heart

Justin makes a discovery that will point to medical problems for Brian.

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One night, Justin and Brian were having a slow, leisurely lovemaking session. Justin was giving Brian a blow job and taking his time doing it. During the massaging of his lover's balls, Justin stopped for a second and said, "Huh?"

"Huh, what?"

Justin felt around a little more. "It's probably nothing."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Justin pushed a little with his finger. "Right – there."

"Jesus! Easy there. What is it?"

"It might be a lump, Brian."

Brian reached around and felt where Justin had just indicated. "What the hell?"

"It's probably nothing, but you should get it checked out."

"Fuck."

"I know I check myself all the time. Daphne's uncle had testicle cancer and it scared me enough to check myself out a lot. If it's caught early there's a high survival rate."

"Shut up, Doctor Taylor."

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The next day Justin pushed Brian to make an appointment with his doctor. The younger insisted on going with his older friend to hear what the doctor had to say. The doctor told Brian to see an oncologist in the same medical building. They got in within the hour and the oncologist confirmed that, even though he'd need a further test, Brian would probably have to have the testicle removed and a prosthetic would be put in its place. Radiation might be recommended, depending on their findings. His alternative was no surgery, which meant that the cancer would progress and could kill him within a year.

Brian was stoic during the doctor's exams. Justin thanked the doctor and shook his hand. The doctor told Brian to make an appointment for the surgery on his way past the nurse's desk. Brian nodded, but he blew by the desk and continued out to the parking lot.

Justin caught up with him by the car. "Brian, what are you doing? You need to make the appointment."

"Like hell, I do."

"You need to do this to save your life."

"What for?"

"What do you mean what for?"

"I'm feeling like I did on my 30th birthday. 'Live fast – die young'. What's the point, anyway?"

"The point is that people care about you and you should have the surgery."

"I don't think so. They're not going to slice me up. And if you tell ANYONE about this I will hunt you down. Do you hear me?"

Justin nodded, still not believing what he was hearing.

Brian got in his car. "You're getting a cab. I've got somewhere to go." With that, Brian got in his Corvette and sped off, leaving Justin in shock.

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For the next two days Brian didn't go to work and wouldn't return Justin's phone calls. Brian spent the time at some of the seedier bars and bath houses. He drank and used drugs until he was in a stupor. He didn't return to the loft until a couple of days later. There were five messages from Justin on the loft's answering machine and eight messages on his cell phone.

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Justin was, of course, concerned, but he knew that Brian didn't want him telling anyone. Justin decided that he _could_ tell their friends that Brian wasn't taking care of himself. That was the truth and it might be good if his friends could pull Brian out of his funk. He spoke to Lindsay first and then went to the Diner. He talked to Deb. "Lindsay and I think that, as cocky and self-assured as he appears, he really has a low opinion of himself or, at least, what he deserves. He thinks that getting burned by Logan, emotionally and financially, was what was coming to him."

"That's bullshit. He deserves love and happiness like anybody else. Nobody knows all of the good stuff he does for people and what a good guy he is. And _he'll_ never let anyone know."

"I know. I'm going to start a little campaign to convince Brian of his worth and that he's loved and deserves love."

"Do you still love him, Sunshine?"

He sighed and said, "I never stopped."

"What about Ethan?"

"I thought I was in love. I think a part of me was in love with Ethan and a part of me was in love with the idea of being monogamous with a boyfriend – a partner. It worked for a while, but, in the end he or _that_ wasn't what I wanted."

"Brian's going to be a tough nut to crack. He's a hard-headed Irishman and he can be a real asshole."

"You're telling me?"

"I've known him a lot longer than you have."

"I knew him for a year and a half before I left. I slept with him and lived with him. I know him pretty well."

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Justin put together a plan and circulated amongst Brian's friends one day, explaining his request for them. He knew Brian would have to emerge sometime and Justin was going to be ready for him.

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Brian finally sent Justin a text that said "LEAVE ME ALONE". Justin phoned him back at the loft phone.

"I told you to leave me alone." Brian snapped.

"Are you going to be home tomorrow?"

"It's a Saturday. Let's see, I've got tea with the Queen and then body waxing, but other than that…"

"Be around at one o'clock in the afternoon. I have something for you." Justin clicked off the phone.

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The next day, Justin found Brian at home.

"Hey, Brian. Come on, we're going out."

"What? Where?"

"Just leave that to me."

"I told you I have plans." Brian said with a sneer.

"Listen here, Bri. We've been through a lot together, right? You saw me through my … recovery. We've been on and off for four years now."

"Yeah, so?"

"So, give me one day. Not even a whole day, just a couple of hours, where you do what I ask."

"This isn't going to involve bondage, is it? Because, if it is, _I'm_ calling the shots."

Justin huffed a laugh. "No. Not today. Here's your coat. Come on. I'm driving."

"Give me a hint?"

"Just visiting friends, OK?"

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Their first stop was Michael's comic book store. They parked and entered the store. Michael was behind the counter. He was the only person there.

He looked up as they entered. "Hey, guys."

"Hey, Michael." Brian turned to Justin. "So, do you mind telling me what the fuck is going on?"

Justin sighed and gathered his thoughts before speaking. "You've been down in the dumps lately and I'm afraid that you are suffering from low self-esteem."

Brian leaned his head back to laugh. "That's rich! Me? Everyone knows I'm a cocky asshole. Always thinking of myself. The selfish prick. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Deny it all you want. You haven't been taking care of yourself." Justin and Brian exchanged a look. Brian realized that all of this had to do with his not electing for surgery. He also realized that Justin hadn't told Michael about the cancer, but had still somehow drawn him into his little campaign.

"I'm fine." He glared back with a look that let Justin know his thoughts. "Nice seeing you, Mikey." Brian turned to leave.

Justin threw himself in front of the door. "You're going to listen to Michael and hear what he has to say, you asshole. I asked you for a couple of hours. It starts _now_. You owe me that."

Brian could see the look of determination on Justin's face. The kid was stubborn and Brian could tell that he wasn't going to get out of this. "Fine, let's get this over with."

Still in front of the door, Justin spoke. "Good. OK. I've asked Michael to write you a card – a postcard – telling you how he feels about you and why you're not the piece of shit you think you are. Michael?"

Michael looked at the pair and knew he'd better start right in, before Justin could get the chance of losing control of Brian again.

"Dear Brian, You are my best friend and protector. We confide in each other and you always tell me the truth. You are one of the most moral people I know and I'll always respect you and care about you. You've helped me so much over the years. You're my rock. I can't thank you enough. I love you."

Michael handed Brian the postcard, and then nodded to Justin, who nodded back. Justin said, "Thanks, Michael."

Brian looked at the card, then Michael, then Justin. "Great. Are we done?"

Justin rolled his eyes at Brian. "Just getting started." He snatched the postcard from Brian's hand because he thought it looked like his friend was going to wad it up or throw it aside.

Michael grabbed Brian for a hug. "Take care of yourself. 'Love you."

Brian obliged him for a hug. "Me, too. 'Bye."

Justin turned to Michael. "Thanks, again."

Brian and Justin drove to Emmett's apartment. Justin asked Emmett to read his postcard.

"Dear Brian, Your friends, if we dare call ourselves that, can always rely on your for an honest opinion, whether we want to hear it or not. You help people more than anyone realizes. You answered my plea and helped Ted stay out of jail, whether you'll _admit_ it or not. I'm proud to call you my friend."

He started to hand the postcard to Brian who had his hands folded over his chest. Justin took the card from Emmett and said, "Thanks, Em'. I appreciate this. Is Ted going to be here? He said he'd…"

There was a knock on the door. It was Ted. "Sorry, I'm late. I have the postcard, Justin."

"Please read it, Ted."

Ted looked at Brian and began to read.

"Dear Brian, You are a real asshole." Brian snorted a laugh. "You are blunt and don't care about other's feelings. You are also loyal, trustworthy and honest. You saved me from jail and gave me a job when no one else would. I owe you a lot, you jerk, and things around here wouldn't be the same without you."

"Finally, some honesty." Brian took the postcard from Ted. Ted smiled.

Justin smiled at Emmett and Ted. "Thanks, guys." He took the postcard from Brian and put it with the ones in his pocket. "Well, we have more stops to make. See you guys later." They left the apartment and continued their travels.

The next stop was the Diner. Carl Horvath was at the bar and Deb was pouring him some coffee.

Deb said, "Hi, boys. Coffee?"

Brian slid into a booth. "Sure."

Justin said, "Do you have your postcards?"

Deb said, "Yeah, Carl and I both have one." She poured coffee for Brian.

"Oh, joy. And the story continues." Brian snarked.

Deb nodded toward Justin. "Hey, listen, he's trying to do something nice for you. We all are. So, shut the fuck up."

Brian saluted and started putting sugar in his coffee. Deb pulled out her postcard and started to read.

"Dear Brian, I love you like you're my son. You can be a real asshole sometimes, but, underneath it all you are caring and loving. You deserve love because you give so much to others and you're a _good man_. You have to know that many people rely on having you in their lives, including Justin. We all love you. Take care of yourself."

She leaned over and planted a red kiss print on Brian's cheek.

"Thanks, Deb." Justin said. She smiled and started to remove the lipstick from Brian's face with her thumb.

Brian put up with her actions for a while, and then said. "OK, I got it." He looked out of the corner of his eye at her. "Thanks." The gratitude could have been for the lipstick wiping or the kind words. Or both.

Carl stood and cleared his throat.

Justin smiled and said, "Carl?" The detective began to speak.

"Dear Brian, I haven't known you that long, but I know an upstanding citizen when I see one. You helped the force figure out Jason Kemp's killer with your own private campaign. You stick with your friends and they all care a lot about you. I'm proud to call you an ally and perhaps, even, friend."

Daphne had walked in while Carl was reading. She stood and waited for him to finish.

Justin hugged Daphne. He turned to the detective. "Thanks, Carl." He collected the postcards from Deb and Carl. "Daphne, before you read your card, can you read the one that Cynthia gave me?" She nodded. "Cynthia had to go to a baby shower, so she filled out the postcard and handed it back to me right away. Go ahead, Daph."

"Dear Brian, You are an impossible boss. I never know what the hell you're going to do or ask of me. Working with you is exciting and ever-changing and I LOVE it. I hope I never stop learning from you. Take care of yourself because I can't imagine working for anyone else and I need the fucking _job_."

Brian chuckled at the words.

"OK. Now yours, Daphne." Justin nodded at her. She began.

"Dear Brian, For all that you do for others and especially for Justin, I thank you. Your dance with him at the prom was **the** most romantic thing I've ever seen."

Brian smiled and whispered what was in his head, "Ridiculously romantic."

Daphne grinned and corrected herself. "_Ridiculously_ romantic. I appreciate you listening to me and retrieving Justin from New York. I think you two have something that no one else can ever know."

Brian took another sip of coffee as he looked at Justin. Daphne thought she saw him wink at Justin, but maybe she was imagining things. She handed the postcards to Justin.

Brian said, "So, Justin. Does that complete our tour here? Or does Kiki have a postcard, too?"

"That's all for this location, Mr. Kinney. Thanks, everyone."

They waved their goodbyes. Daphne made the 'call me' sign to Justin who smiled and nodded at her.

As they returned to the car, Brian asked. "Let me guess. The cwazy wesbians?"

"Yep. Last stop."

They pulled into Lindsay and Mel's driveway. They approached the house. Justin rang the bell as Brian pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You OK?" Justin asked.

"Yeah. All this sweetness is giving me a headache, I think." He got an artificially bright look on his face. "Maybe it's diabetes!"

They entered the home and said their hellos. The only person Brian hugged was Gus. Justin requested that they read their cards. Lindsay was first.

"Dear Brian, Ever since we first met and became friends I knew you were someone to be admired. I asked you to be the father of our son for your beauty, inside and out, and because I knew you'd be a good father. You care enough for him that you gave up your rights to Melanie. You take care of us and organized our wedding. I love you. I always will."

Melanie reluctantly spoke next.

"Dear Brian, Even though I repeatedly tell you what an asshole you are, I do have a certain amount of respect for you. Giving me parental rights to Gus was huge and I appreciate that. You probably aren't as bad I as I make you out to be."

To Justin's surprise, Brian said. "Thanks, Mel. I know that was probably painful." He winced.

She winced back, but then they both cracked up.

Gus stepped forward and said, "Now me?"

"Yep, buddy." Justin said.

Lindsay broke in. "He filled out the postcard himself." It had 'I love you' written on it.

Gus looked at the card and then looked into his father's hazel eyes. "Dear Daddy, I love you lots."

Brian hugged him and said, "I love you, too, Sonny Boy. Lots."

As Justin collected the cards and thanked everyone, Brian stood to leave. He nodded at the ladies. They all said their goodbyes. As Justin drove back to the loft he said, "I'm making you a steak dinner and I bought come of that cognac that you like."

"You really don't have to …"

"I figured you put up with my demands, I'll make you a nice dinner." He handed the postcards to Brian before they left the car.

They returned to the loft and Justin started dinner. Two juicy steaks were prepared as well as vegetables and salads. While Justin cooked, he peeked into the bedroom and could see Brian reviewing the postcards. Sometimes he'd chuckle. Sometimes he'd have a more serious look on his face.

Justin called Brian to dinner and they sat and ate with general conversation, not really mentioning the cancer or the postcards.

As Justin cleared the dishes, Brian poured two glasses of cognac and said, "Well, where is it?"


	4. Ch 4 The Last Postcard

As Justin cleared the dishes, Brian poured two glasses of cognac and said, "Well, where is it?"

"What?"

"I assume that you wrote me a postcard, too."

Justin smiled. "As a matter of fact, I did. Sit down." He motioned to the couch and they sat.

"All right. Let me have it. I assume it'll have words like the others … asshole … jerk." He squinted with one eye open. "Friend?" He closed both eyes and winced. "If you say boyfriend, I'll hurl."

"Don't assume that you know what I'll say."

Brian's lips curled into his mouth and he raised his eyebrows to signal that he was ready to shut up and listen.

"Dear Brian, I knew from the first day with you that you'd change my life forever. You made a man out of me and taught me to make the choices that were right for me. I know I confuse you by repeatedly choosing _you_."

He looked up from the card, "You are all of the things that they said; 'asshole', 'jerk', but also 'loyal', 'moral' and 'honest'."

He returned to the card, "I love everything about you. I love you. I have since the start. I've never stopped." He paused and put the heel of his hand to his eye. "Please take care of yourself, for them … for me … for you."

He turned away, rubbing his eyes.

Brian sighed as he looked at the postcard, and then looked up to his friend. "C'mere." Brian took Justin into his arms and held him while the blond recovered from the emotions running through him. A quiet minute passed and Brian spoke again. "OK. I'll do it_._"

Justin wiped his nose. "Do, what?"

"I'll have the surgery."

Justin's eyes shone with happiness. "You will? Oh, Brian! That's great. You'll be fine, you'll see."

"Let's get some things straight from the start. One – you are not to tell _anyone_ or I'll remove one of _your_ balls."

Justin grinned and nodded.

"Two – you will not say _anything_ like (*falsetto*) 'You'll be fine' or 'It's going to be OK'. None of that shit."

More nodding.

"Three – You don't need to babysit me and I don't want you to follow me around like I'm an invalid. If I need you to do something for me, I'll ask."

"OK."

"Four – I think you should move in. Partly, because it will keep people from wondering why you're spending so much time over here." He took Justin's face in his hand and brushed away a residual tear with his thumb. "Mostly, though, because I want to come home to you at night."

"Really? Yeah. I mean, yeah. I'd love to live with you again. Are you sure?"

"I think I could put up with you." He leaned forward and kissed Justin.

Justin looked into Brian's eyes and they smiled at each other. "Will we have 'the rules' like before?"

Brian shrugged. "If that's what you want. What was it? Fuck only once, no names or numbers, home by three …"

"No kissing other guys on the mouth."

"Which is the rule you broke first, if I remember correctly?"

"The guy was a virgin. I was nice to him and kissed him." Justin insisted.

"That's old news. Right, so does that work again?"

"Sure. Let's start with that and see how it goes."

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Brian had the surgery. Justin was with him, usually just standing by lending emotional support. He was pleased when Brian introduced him as his partner. The doctors caught the cancer in the very early stages and he got a very good prognosis for a cancer-free future.

Justin moved in and helped Brian, per request, helping when it was requested or maybe a little more than when it was requested.

As Justin was unpacking the last of his things, he found a cigar box in the back of a drawer. Inside the box were his postcards from Europe. Every one of them was there, in chronological order. They were neatly stacked in the box. Justin could see that they had been handled the way the edges were a little worn. The words he wrote seemed to be nearly rubbed off, like Brian had rubbed his fingers over the words over and over. A tear ran down Justin's face as he carefully returned the postcards to their cigar box home and put them back in the drawer.

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One night Brian was having an especially rough time of it as Justin was helping him with another bout of nausea from his radiation treatment.

As Brian collapsed back into bed, he said, "Why the fuck are you here, again?"

"I love you. We're partners. You need me. You deserve help and I'm not leaving you. That's why."

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A lot of members of gay Pittsburgh attended the Liberty Ride, an annual fundraiser for the Liberty House, an AIDS hospice. Michael and Ben planned on attending and Hunter wanted to participate, too. Ted wanted to ride, but was concerned about temptation getting to him while being away, so Emmett decided to ride along, too. Justin wanted to do the ride. The guys told Brian that he was probably too weak from his cancer recovery to ride, but he wanted to prove them wrong and show them that he could make it. Justin looked forward to camping out with Brian and making love under the stars.

Michael and Ben got engaged while on the Liberty Ride trip. They got their marriage license and planned a small ceremony for the following day. That night there was a small 'bachelor party' at a local bar.

Michael cornered Justin at one point to have a private conversation with him. "Ma said we got a letter from Brett Keller, the director, about making Rage into a movie."

"Oh, my God, Michael! That's fantastic! Rage – a movie. That'd be ground breaking stuff right there. The gay superhero."

"They want one of us to go out there and pitch it with him in Hollywood. Would you be willing to go? I think you'd be better talking to those movie guys."

"Yeah, I'll go. How exciting! After the Liberty Ride is over I can go. I'll have to take time off from school, but, for Rage … heck, yeah."

They hugged, happy that their creation was getting Hollywood interest. They talked a little more about the idea of their comic superhero being on the big screen and imagined what it'd be like in Los Angeles.

Justin asked, "So, are you excited about tomorrow's wedding?"

"You bet! I love him so much, Justin." They smiled at each other, and then Michael asked, "Do you think you'd like to marry Brian someday?"

"Yeah, someday."

"We could make it a double wedding?"

Justin laughed. "I'm not ready to be married yet. Neither is Brian. Michael, I had a two year monogamous relationship with Ethan. Or, at least, I thought it was monogamous till he fucked it up. Whatever. Anyway, I'm kind of in the 'been there – done that' mentality. Ethan and I wore rings and said 'I love you' to each other. It was like being married. I went from a non-relationship with Brian to a sort of marriage/partnership with Ethan. Now that I'm back with Brian again … we're having fun – seeing other guys. It's what I need to be doing right now. I'm only 22 and I don't want to settle down. Not now."

Michael nodded. "I understand." He smiled slyly. "If he did ask you, what would you say?"

Justin smiled. "First off, he won't ask. That being said … if he asked me … I'd say 'yes', but request that we put it off for a while."

"Yeah, I get that." He paused for a second and then asked. "How was being with Ethan different than being with Brian?"

"Ethan would tell me all of the time that he loved me – that I was his _muse_. Brian shows me in small ways how he cares, but he's never told me that he loves me."

Michael said, "He loves you, whether or not you believe that."

Justin said, "I think he does, although it'd be nice if he'd say it – just once. When we did the postcards I told him I still loved him. Right after that he asked me to move in with him."

"If he didn't care about you he wouldn't have asked you to move in."

Justin smiled. "Michael – How shitty was Logan to Brian, aside from the money thing?"

"Pretty shitty. Logan took advantage of Brian in more ways than one. It wasn't like Brian was ever in love with the guy, but he obviously liked spending time with him. After Logan started getting worse, I thought that Brian would dump him. But, he kept taking it, like he didn't matter and got what he deserved. I almost think Brian was punishing himself for letting you go. He realized that he gave up his one true love."

"Well, hopefully we'll be together a long time. Now, let's go find that fiancé of yours and buy him another drink!"

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All of the guys in the gang finished the ride. Michael, Ben and Hunter crossed the line on Liberty Avenue. Emmett and Ted followed soon after. Michael, Ben, Hunter and Debbie waited at the finish line for Brian and Justin.

Michael waited nervously, "I should have stayed with Brian and encouraged him."

"He's got Justin with him." Ben said.

Finally, two figures turned the corner. Brian pedaled the last few feet with Justin alongside him. Brian was exhausted, but Justin stayed by him. Michael, Ben and Deb helped the guys get their bikes and their stuff back to the loft. They said their goodbyes, leaving Justin to unpack a little while Brian showered. Justin took his turn in the shower and gave Brian a rubdown over his aching muscles. Justin reclined on the bed, exhausted from the day's events.

Brian embraced him as they faced each other. "I wouldn't have been able to make it without you."

Justin shrugged a shoulder and smiled. They kissed.

Brian continued, "Not just today, but for the things you've done for me since you got back." He hugged Justin closer to him and whispered in his ear. "I love you."

Justin gasped a little and pulled back to look his lover in the eyes. "You…?"

"I love you." Brian repeated.

"I love you, too." They kissed and hugged again.

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Justin went to Los Angeles and worked on the _Rage_ movie. Brian missed Justin. Michael asked Brian why he didn't go to visit Justin in Hollywood. "He's not coming back Michael. Why would he?"

Justin did return from Los Angeles after the _Rage_ movie was shelved. Brian invited Justin to move back in with him.

Brian said, "I didn't think you were coming back."

"I know."

"I can't imagine what Pittsburgh has to offer over Hollywood."

"I can't imagine, unless it's the man I love." Justin said.

"I missed the man I love." Brian confirmed.

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Even though the bright lights of Hollywood made other life pale, Justin decided to go back to PIFA and finish his degree. If he was going to make it as an artist and have agents and galleries take him seriously, he needed the degree to at least get them to pay attention.

Now that Justin had had his 'fun' in L.A., he wasn't as interested in tricking. He was happy to spend his nights with Brian.

Brian, too, stopped tricking as much. There were occasional stops in the backroom of Babylon where a trick would drop to his knees for Brian's pleasure, but nothing beyond that. Both Justin and Brian did enjoy going to the baths for a little public fucking, but only with each other. Brian remained disease free: no cancer, no STD's.

Brian decided to celebrate his cancer-free declaration by flying to Australia. He asked Justin to go with him and, of course, he agreed.

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Brian knew a time had come to make a change in their relationship. He asked Justin to stop by Kinnetik one afternoon. "Justin, I want to talk to you about something."

"Yeah, Brian. What's up?"

"With all of this flying that we're going to be doing, going to Australia, 20 damn hours in the air, I was thinking that I should have a will made up."

"Yeah, probably a good idea."

"It'll protect Gus and cover Kinnetik and everything."

"Sure."

Brian got up from his chair and leaned against his desk. ''I think it'd be a good idea if we'd protect each other and become partners legally."

"Really?"

"Will you … be my legal partner? We'd share everything: the loft, Kinnetik, your art, any other assets. I want to protect you, too." He approached Justin and took him into his arms. "After the cancer scare, things are a little different now. You took care of me, now I want to be sure you're OK, too."

Justin hugged Brian and looked into his eyes. "I would love to be your legal partner. That's … huge."

Brian put Justin's hand on his crotch, "No, _that's_ huge." Justin laughed. "The partnership is just …" Brian shrugged a shoulder. "… It's what we should do now. OK?"

"Yes, Brian. Whatever you say." They kissed. "I love you."

Brian spoke into Justin's ear, "'Love you, too."

The following week they filled out all paperwork having to do with wills and partnership. They celebrated by going back to the restaurant with the hot waiters. That evening, though, they just enjoyed the scenery and then concluded the evening in each other's arms.

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They were both in the limo when they heard about the explosion at Babylon. They had the driver turn around and helped take care of the wounded. They visited Michael in the hospital. Their lives were changed by that day's events, but they had each other and had already signed papers with their commitment to each other.

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When an article came out in Art World magazine about Justin's art at a recent gallery opening, Lindsay tried to convince Justin that he should move to New York to pursue his art.

"New York is not my future. Brian is." Justin insisted. And he meant it. He could paint in Pittsburgh and sell paintings. He and Brian had committed all of their finances and their lives to each other. That was enough.

Brian surprised Justin by buying a small building downtown that was studio space above a small gallery. It was 15 minutes from the loft. Justin could paint upstairs and sell his art downstairs. With the down real estate market it was a good time to buy. Justin could still pursue art without compromise.

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Lindsay and Melanie were scared after the bombing at Babylon and decided to move to Toronto. Brian was brokenhearted that not only Gus, but Lindsay was moving away. After the girls moved away, Brian drew even closer to Justin. They stopped seeing anyone else and remained exclusive to each other. Brian just didn't feel the need to chase other men anymore. Justin was more than he had ever wanted or knew he needed.

Justin felt that, for himself, he'd had enough time to experience other men. He was 23. He'd traveled to Europe and studied there. He'd lived in Boston and Los Angeles and seen life there. Now it was time for him to stay with one man – the one man he always hoped he'd be with – his one true love – Brian.

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A year later Brian and Justin took their postponed trip to Australia. Michael & Ben, Debbie & Carl, Lindsay & Mel, Emmett and Ted all got a postcard from Brian and Justin. All of the postcards said the same thing.

"Having a great time. Just got married on the beach. Love to you all. B & J"


End file.
